Ladies and gentlemen, the world has spoken and Sanchez has listened. After much feedback from my previous post about the possibility of a sex scene in Harry Potter to refresh and bring extra fans into the series, the resounding consensus was that the people wanted more. I provided an entree, but now the simple people of this land want a main meal, and possibly a cold beverage to wash it down with. Sanchez has now answered these desperate pleas and delivered a piece of adult literature that will leave all readers searching for the newest Milf Hunter video, or if like some out there who know who they are, the newest Guys Take It In The Ass video. Freaks!
We will pick up where the previous post left us all salivating at the mouth,
His mind is saying "No!" she is with Ron, but every other sinew in his body is craving her warmth, her body and her love, it isn't a want. It's a need...He takes it.
Unnoticing
Harry reaches out and grasps her waist and with a swift move, he presses his shirtless body against hers. His determined hands effortlessly slip unnoticed around her back and up her shirt and stumble towards her bra, the clip is like a safe lock, he struggles for what seems like an eternity until the bra strap falls limp. The victorious fingers navigate their way around her willing body to her shirt, he unbuttons it slowly, building the moment. With every undone button, her anxiety rises, after three buttons, she is at bursting point. She tears open her shirt and without hesitating, drops her bra to the floor...
With no persuasion necessary, she leads him to the tiny blow up mattress inside their one man tent. She closes her eyes, but where is Harry? She needs him on her now. A split second later she feels what she has dreamt of since the first moment she fixed his glasses in the compartment of the Hogwarts Express on the first day of school, his naked body rubbing against her. It is like nothing she has experienced, her mind can't focus. She fails to unzip her pants twice as her mind struggles to contain her excitement and pleasure. Finally she slides her pants and panties down her smooth legs, but wait! She is no longer with Harry, she is with a much more handsome man. The naked man on top of her is none other than Sanchez.
She hesitates, his piercing gaze and boyish smile leave her breathless. As she stares up at him, lost for words or emotions, Sanchez rolls his caressing hands up her body to her mouth. "Ssshh!" he whispers, "The roofies will kick in at any second and you won't remember a thing".
The End.
Stay tuned as the next post will hold the answer to the question: Does Emma Watson (Hermione) have an indentical twin that was separated at birth and sent to Australia who now plays for Australia in cricket and soccer? The intrigue, the suspense...
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Friday, May 29, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
153 minutes
153 minutes...Is the length of time Harry Potter fans will be sitting in a movie theatre, mesmerised by the magical cinematic experience on the screen before them for the latest edition of the HP series of movies. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince will officially run for 153 mintues. This will make it the second longest film in the series by a mere few minutes as Chamber of Secrets pips it for the longest movie. Ironically, the longest book of the series, Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix, has the shortest movie running time.
Harry Potter fans throughout the world will no doubt be rejoicing at this news. Many, and I am one of them, will be praying that Hermione gets about 152 minutes of screen time. This movie also marks many milestones in the movies, Harry and Ginny's first kiss, the death of Dumbledore and the final year of the trios attendance at Hogwarts. As this movie is no doubt going to be a spectacular success with hundreds of millions of dollars being made, I will admit to wondering whether the remaining two movies will be able to compete with this. The last movie will no doubt draw a large audience as Lord Voldemort is finally defeated and it is the end of an era for Harry Potter fans around the world. However, Deathly Hallows Part 1 is in danger of drawing a lucklustre crowd. But don't worry, Sanchez has created a solution that will turn Deathly Hallows Part 1 into the most watched movie of all time.
Now, Hogwarts is a co-ed school with boys and girls sleeping in the same buildings. Furthermore, the females are allowed into the males dormitories but not vice versa as the four founders did not trust the male wizards. The books and movies do show adequate amounts of 'snogging' but I believe more is needed. In the 21st Century, more than snogging is required to satisfy the viewers and to keep the movie relatistic. With the only physical action between the boys and girls of Hogwarts being kissing, many people may believe these movies to be fiction, which is clearl isn't, due to the lack of real life scenarios. Therefore, I suggest...
A sex scene.
Ok, get your breath back. I'll wait...So there they are, Harry and Hermione sitting alone after Ron abandons them in the forest. They are dripping wet and freezing from the cold rain. Harry, not noticing Hermione's eyes watching his every move, removes his shirt to replace it with a dry one. "Stop" she whispers to him from her cold blue trembling lips. Harry slowly turns to face her, and suddenly Hermione is there, inches from his face, her cold breath streaking across his face. She reaches out and grasps his hand, her touch is gentle yet dominant. She pulls herself closer, wary of breaking eye contact, as if it is somehow the glue that is keeping the moment together, and places his hand of her body, offering it up to him for the taking. He is torn. His mind is saying "No!" she is with Ron, but every other sinew in his body is craving her warmth, her body and her love, it isn't a want. It's a need...He takes it.
Well well well, Harry and Hermione, who would have thought. Okay, so its a bit off-script, but it is something almost everyone can relate to. Who hasn't been tempted by the forbidden fruit? In a co-ed school with girls discovering they are women, and testosterone filled teenage boys everywhere, this is bound to occur and will definitely reinforce the fact that the Harry Potter series is actually a documentary. With this single scene, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 will instantly become a classic for all ages, a blockbuster to defy all blockbusters. Not to mention, the amount of guys out there that would love to see Hermione in a sex scene, shiiiiiit! I would pay $11.50 to see that.
So for everyone out there who wishes this scenario to become a part of the film, to save the film, support the cause. Voice your opinions in the comments box or on the poll. Thank you.
Harry Potter fans throughout the world will no doubt be rejoicing at this news. Many, and I am one of them, will be praying that Hermione gets about 152 minutes of screen time. This movie also marks many milestones in the movies, Harry and Ginny's first kiss, the death of Dumbledore and the final year of the trios attendance at Hogwarts. As this movie is no doubt going to be a spectacular success with hundreds of millions of dollars being made, I will admit to wondering whether the remaining two movies will be able to compete with this. The last movie will no doubt draw a large audience as Lord Voldemort is finally defeated and it is the end of an era for Harry Potter fans around the world. However, Deathly Hallows Part 1 is in danger of drawing a lucklustre crowd. But don't worry, Sanchez has created a solution that will turn Deathly Hallows Part 1 into the most watched movie of all time.
Now, Hogwarts is a co-ed school with boys and girls sleeping in the same buildings. Furthermore, the females are allowed into the males dormitories but not vice versa as the four founders did not trust the male wizards. The books and movies do show adequate amounts of 'snogging' but I believe more is needed. In the 21st Century, more than snogging is required to satisfy the viewers and to keep the movie relatistic. With the only physical action between the boys and girls of Hogwarts being kissing, many people may believe these movies to be fiction, which is clearl isn't, due to the lack of real life scenarios. Therefore, I suggest...
A sex scene.
Ok, get your breath back. I'll wait...So there they are, Harry and Hermione sitting alone after Ron abandons them in the forest. They are dripping wet and freezing from the cold rain. Harry, not noticing Hermione's eyes watching his every move, removes his shirt to replace it with a dry one. "Stop" she whispers to him from her cold blue trembling lips. Harry slowly turns to face her, and suddenly Hermione is there, inches from his face, her cold breath streaking across his face. She reaches out and grasps his hand, her touch is gentle yet dominant. She pulls herself closer, wary of breaking eye contact, as if it is somehow the glue that is keeping the moment together, and places his hand of her body, offering it up to him for the taking. He is torn. His mind is saying "No!" she is with Ron, but every other sinew in his body is craving her warmth, her body and her love, it isn't a want. It's a need...He takes it.
Well well well, Harry and Hermione, who would have thought. Okay, so its a bit off-script, but it is something almost everyone can relate to. Who hasn't been tempted by the forbidden fruit? In a co-ed school with girls discovering they are women, and testosterone filled teenage boys everywhere, this is bound to occur and will definitely reinforce the fact that the Harry Potter series is actually a documentary. With this single scene, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 will instantly become a classic for all ages, a blockbuster to defy all blockbusters. Not to mention, the amount of guys out there that would love to see Hermione in a sex scene, shiiiiiit! I would pay $11.50 to see that.
So for everyone out there who wishes this scenario to become a part of the film, to save the film, support the cause. Voice your opinions in the comments box or on the poll. Thank you.
Friday, May 22, 2009
I may be guilty of some of these...
31 Ways to Know if You've Read Harry Potter and The Philosopher's Stone One too Many Times.
You know you've read Philospher's Stone one too many times when you...
1. Continually ask people if they want a Lemon Drop.
2. Throw blankets over yourself and insist you're invisble.
3. Tell your hats that you don't want to be put it Slytherin.
4. Wince and grab your forehead every time you see a man wearing a turban.
5. Ask snakes if they can hear you.
6. Instruct your chess pieces where to move.
7. Paint walnuts yellow, toss them in the air, and say you're the youngest seeker in a century.
8. choke on said Walnut, and say that you've caught the Snitch.
9. Act genuinely surprised when you get presents for Christmas.
10. Tap random bricks with an umbrella and insist you're trying to get into Diagon Alley.
11. Pay people with your version of Galleons, Sickles, and Knuts.
12. Wave random sticks around, and when nothing happens, tell yourself that it just isn't the right one.
13. Tell your siblings that Hagrid will give them a pig tail.
14. Call people Muggles.
15. Tell random people that you know how to calm fluffy...
16. ...and refuse to explain.
17. Say "sunshine daisies, butter mellow, turn this stupid fat rat yellow," at every mouse you see.
18. Tell your friends to beware of the troll in their bathroom.
19. Expect to see your heart's desire in a mirror.
20. Feel around in your pocket for any stones while staring in said mirror.
21. Set fire to the clothes of men with black hair at public sporting events.
22. Look out for Firenze every time you enter a forest.
23. Tell your teachers that you know about the Philosopher's Stone...
24. ...and refuse to explain.
25. Have unknowingly done multiple things on this list.
26. Continually talk about how evil you think Snape is.
27. Remind your arch-enemy that there hasn't been a witch or wizard who hasn't gone bad in Slytherin.
28. Check for trap doors beneath your dog.
29. Ask people to address their letters to you to the "cupboard under the stairs," or "the old house on the rock."
30. Jinx your broomstick, and pray that Hermione will show up to break Quirrell's eye contact.
31. Search every bag of jellybeans for a bogey flavored one. Tell all those who say otherwise that George swore he once found one.
Finally, I would like to add that I have recently been accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Lizardry! I was very honoured as I have spent many years honing my lizardry skills.
You know you've read Philospher's Stone one too many times when you...
1. Continually ask people if they want a Lemon Drop.
2. Throw blankets over yourself and insist you're invisble.
3. Tell your hats that you don't want to be put it Slytherin.
4. Wince and grab your forehead every time you see a man wearing a turban.
5. Ask snakes if they can hear you.
6. Instruct your chess pieces where to move.
7. Paint walnuts yellow, toss them in the air, and say you're the youngest seeker in a century.
8. choke on said Walnut, and say that you've caught the Snitch.
9. Act genuinely surprised when you get presents for Christmas.
10. Tap random bricks with an umbrella and insist you're trying to get into Diagon Alley.
11. Pay people with your version of Galleons, Sickles, and Knuts.
12. Wave random sticks around, and when nothing happens, tell yourself that it just isn't the right one.
13. Tell your siblings that Hagrid will give them a pig tail.
14. Call people Muggles.
15. Tell random people that you know how to calm fluffy...
16. ...and refuse to explain.
17. Say "sunshine daisies, butter mellow, turn this stupid fat rat yellow," at every mouse you see.
18. Tell your friends to beware of the troll in their bathroom.
19. Expect to see your heart's desire in a mirror.
20. Feel around in your pocket for any stones while staring in said mirror.
21. Set fire to the clothes of men with black hair at public sporting events.
22. Look out for Firenze every time you enter a forest.
23. Tell your teachers that you know about the Philosopher's Stone...
24. ...and refuse to explain.
25. Have unknowingly done multiple things on this list.
26. Continually talk about how evil you think Snape is.
27. Remind your arch-enemy that there hasn't been a witch or wizard who hasn't gone bad in Slytherin.
28. Check for trap doors beneath your dog.
29. Ask people to address their letters to you to the "cupboard under the stairs," or "the old house on the rock."
30. Jinx your broomstick, and pray that Hermione will show up to break Quirrell's eye contact.
31. Search every bag of jellybeans for a bogey flavored one. Tell all those who say otherwise that George swore he once found one.
Finally, I would like to add that I have recently been accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Lizardry! I was very honoured as I have spent many years honing my lizardry skills.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Rain, rain, go away, come again another day!
Wow, that is a lot of water. The recent downpour felt by Brisbane and it's suburbs has been intense. I myself drove home in it and was one of the last cars let through a road that was then closed off due to flooding. Before attempting to pass through this thoroughfare, I recalled seeing on the news countless numbers of people attempting this same thing and coming off second best and abandonding their floating car. I also distinctly remembered thinking, "What idiots!" Suddenly, I had this terrible fear I was about to become on of those idiots. It was a tretcherous 20m journey, but through shear determination and will power, my car pulled on its LZR racing swimsuit and flippers and swam through the raging waters as if it was a mear puddle.
After my harrowing journey, I reflected on what could have been, if I had merely bewitched car to fly as a certain Mr. Arthur Weasley has done. With this magical car, I could have soared straight over the water, obviously I would have pressed the invisibility booster button as muggles were in the vicinity, and I would not have lost the 5 seconds I did by driving though at 20km/h.
Latest Harry Potter hot off the press: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II will be released in cinemas July 15, 2011, exactly 2 years after Half-Blood Prince. This means there is only 2 more years of Harry Potter left, I'm betting on a TV series after that. Fingers crossed.
Following my daring water crossing, the rest of my day was spent inside the confines of my house, or out the back under cover, throwing dog toys into large puddles and watching my dogs chase after them. I also recently witnessed two young gentlemen carrying canoes down to the local park.
That's all for now folks, keep yourself dry and in good hands! Sanch.
After my harrowing journey, I reflected on what could have been, if I had merely bewitched car to fly as a certain Mr. Arthur Weasley has done. With this magical car, I could have soared straight over the water, obviously I would have pressed the invisibility booster button as muggles were in the vicinity, and I would not have lost the 5 seconds I did by driving though at 20km/h.
Latest Harry Potter hot off the press: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II will be released in cinemas July 15, 2011, exactly 2 years after Half-Blood Prince. This means there is only 2 more years of Harry Potter left, I'm betting on a TV series after that. Fingers crossed.
Following my daring water crossing, the rest of my day was spent inside the confines of my house, or out the back under cover, throwing dog toys into large puddles and watching my dogs chase after them. I also recently witnessed two young gentlemen carrying canoes down to the local park.
That's all for now folks, keep yourself dry and in good hands! Sanch.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Blogger's Block!
Blogging! Sounds easy enough. To be honest, the word reeks of laziness but in actual fact, it is not half as easy as it sounds. This Sanchez can personally attest to the difficulty associated with blogging, which many may not classify as writing. Therefore, bloggers do not qualify for writer's block. So as of today, I have created, sanctioned and spread the term that will from now on be known as "Blogger's Block".
Writers have for years thought themselves above bloggers due to the fact they have their own block. When writers produce poor work, they can lie back, relax and distribute the excuse that they have writer's block. As long as the sun has been rising and tides coming in and going out, bloggers have been fighting against this terrible opression. The result of the bloggers uprising has been swift and devastating in many cases, however, the government, itself a major supporter of the writer's block movement, creates elaborate cover ups.
Oil in Iraq? I think not. It just so happens that the Iraqian Bloggers Association, IBA, were masterminding an assualt on the writer's block movement that could once and for all create equal rights amongst writers and bloggers. Still to this day, the governments from the most powerful nations commit troops to protect the darkest of man's creations, the writer's block. Which incidentally, is not a physical block at all, quite the misnomer.
But on this day, right here in this blog of blogs, we will not go quietly into the night and we will not vanish without a fight! On this day, we will celebrate, our "Blogger's Block"!
So from this day, when, not if, but when this Sanchez produces a poor piece of blogging, you can imagine me sitting back, relaxing and flippantly remarking that I'm suffering from the intolerable blogger's block.
***Contact me for details on making cash donations to the ABA, Australian Bloggers Association. Please give generously, because one day, you may be in desperate need of a quality blog, and without your support, there may not be one in your time of need.
Writers have for years thought themselves above bloggers due to the fact they have their own block. When writers produce poor work, they can lie back, relax and distribute the excuse that they have writer's block. As long as the sun has been rising and tides coming in and going out, bloggers have been fighting against this terrible opression. The result of the bloggers uprising has been swift and devastating in many cases, however, the government, itself a major supporter of the writer's block movement, creates elaborate cover ups.
Oil in Iraq? I think not. It just so happens that the Iraqian Bloggers Association, IBA, were masterminding an assualt on the writer's block movement that could once and for all create equal rights amongst writers and bloggers. Still to this day, the governments from the most powerful nations commit troops to protect the darkest of man's creations, the writer's block. Which incidentally, is not a physical block at all, quite the misnomer.
But on this day, right here in this blog of blogs, we will not go quietly into the night and we will not vanish without a fight! On this day, we will celebrate, our "Blogger's Block"!
So from this day, when, not if, but when this Sanchez produces a poor piece of blogging, you can imagine me sitting back, relaxing and flippantly remarking that I'm suffering from the intolerable blogger's block.
***Contact me for details on making cash donations to the ABA, Australian Bloggers Association. Please give generously, because one day, you may be in desperate need of a quality blog, and without your support, there may not be one in your time of need.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
The Battle of the Sexes
Today we are going to talk about S. E. X. No, not that type of sex you sick people who happen to be my loyal readers, I'm talking about Male versus Female. For ages the bettle between male and female has been waged, with neither side conceding deafeat. However, this Sanchez can once and for all finally lift the lid on the greatest mystery the human species has ever faced, 'Which sex is better?'
On one hand you have women; able to give birth and imperative to the survival of the human race. On the flipside, these women are growingly hormonal, and need I mention the infamous lack of phsyical and/or mental strength in a large majority of the cases. Yes yes, you can point to one woman who somehow manages to have achieved sporting excellence to the point that she can beat a male a third of her age. But compare her to a male of her professionalism and you've struck out sorry women! You may be thinking I have a bias against females in this debate, no no no, you have it all wrong. In a sign of good trust, I will no concede that women may be slightly ahead in terms of academic achievement, but boy you females are lucky for that concession as my life so far begs to differ. However, I am led to believe it is generally accepted that women are ahead.
On the other hand, women are said to mature into adulthood as early as 17. I then pose this question, why do adult women in high school not achieve better marks? If adult women are equal or two teenage testosterone filled boys, maybe that last concession was wrong. Maybe we will never know...
Moving from the kitchen to the garage, we find the men of this debate. I think it is acceptable for both parties to say that men are equally important to the survival of the human race. Furthermore, women must concede that men are physically more capable and co-ordinated. This has been proven countless times, and no counter argument has been able to even slightly discredit this knowledge. Also, statistics confirm that men also average higher income, although this must be countered by the fact that women must bear children, with the majority of them continuing on the care for them for some time.
I think that men are best spoken for in literature, where ones heart can truly express itself. Daft Punk and Kanye West both display their beliefs that men are 'better' than women, with the lyrics, "Harder, Better, Stronger, Faster". Maybe their next release should be called, "Fact!".
On the premise of both arguments put forward, this Sanchez can reveal to the world for the first time that the champion of the sexes, by the simple fact that this sex has the ability to do two things at once, read a map and last but not definitely not least, call Matthew Johns the epitomy of their sex, is males!
Thank you for participating in this debate, if there is anyone who does not agree with this debate and/or the result, I would very much like to sit down and have a leisurely conversation over this minor disagreed topic.
Til we meet again, give your view on this controversial, yet truth-telling blog via the comments section. While you're at it, why not vote in the poll?
On one hand you have women; able to give birth and imperative to the survival of the human race. On the flipside, these women are growingly hormonal, and need I mention the infamous lack of phsyical and/or mental strength in a large majority of the cases. Yes yes, you can point to one woman who somehow manages to have achieved sporting excellence to the point that she can beat a male a third of her age. But compare her to a male of her professionalism and you've struck out sorry women! You may be thinking I have a bias against females in this debate, no no no, you have it all wrong. In a sign of good trust, I will no concede that women may be slightly ahead in terms of academic achievement, but boy you females are lucky for that concession as my life so far begs to differ. However, I am led to believe it is generally accepted that women are ahead.
On the other hand, women are said to mature into adulthood as early as 17. I then pose this question, why do adult women in high school not achieve better marks? If adult women are equal or two teenage testosterone filled boys, maybe that last concession was wrong. Maybe we will never know...
Moving from the kitchen to the garage, we find the men of this debate. I think it is acceptable for both parties to say that men are equally important to the survival of the human race. Furthermore, women must concede that men are physically more capable and co-ordinated. This has been proven countless times, and no counter argument has been able to even slightly discredit this knowledge. Also, statistics confirm that men also average higher income, although this must be countered by the fact that women must bear children, with the majority of them continuing on the care for them for some time.
I think that men are best spoken for in literature, where ones heart can truly express itself. Daft Punk and Kanye West both display their beliefs that men are 'better' than women, with the lyrics, "Harder, Better, Stronger, Faster". Maybe their next release should be called, "Fact!".
On the premise of both arguments put forward, this Sanchez can reveal to the world for the first time that the champion of the sexes, by the simple fact that this sex has the ability to do two things at once, read a map and last but not definitely not least, call Matthew Johns the epitomy of their sex, is males!
Thank you for participating in this debate, if there is anyone who does not agree with this debate and/or the result, I would very much like to sit down and have a leisurely conversation over this minor disagreed topic.
Til we meet again, give your view on this controversial, yet truth-telling blog via the comments section. While you're at it, why not vote in the poll?
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Dear Readers...
Dear Readers,
This Sanchez am writing this post to complain as to the awful treatment I have been subjected to over the past few days. I recently received some interesting and eye-opening comments on my last post. The comments in question state, "you're gay." and "you like men.". Now, I don't have anything against the gay community, but if they didn't tell people the dirty sins they committed, their lives would be much easier. Their dirty sex makes god send hurricanes. Furthermore, I would now like to point out that is purely based on male-on-male, I fully support and even encourage girl-on-girl. However, back to the comments I received.
I am led to believe that these comments were posted by a devious yet simple-minded, borderline unevolved primate. The person in question may or may not be the the person that I schooled in the Harry Potter quiz (refer to below post). As I have stated previously, I am not homophobic, quite the opposite, I would have loved to see a Hermione-Ginny relationship develop throughout the books, especially in the movies. Maybe they could make a movie called, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Bone(r). Rough idea at the moment, I'm still ironing out the kinks in the script.
However, further evidence that I am not a gay-basher is that I am a strong supporter of Professor Dumbledore, he taught me everything he knew and turned me into the wizard I am today. But this mentor of mine, is actually gay. This may come as s shock to many, so I will repeat it, Dumbledore is an old-fashioned fudge-packer, shirt-lifter, pole smoker, sodomist who is a straight out gaylord. But I still respect him and give him a hand-shake when I see him, but I try not to turn my back to him.
So if you have an queries, please call 000, so we can lock them up where they belong! Yes, got him!
This post was written in jesticular form, as it is written in jest. However, if you think I just said testicular, you are gay.
Thank you for reading, stay tuned for more hilarious and equally uneblievable posts.
Yours sincerely,
Sanchez Alfonso
Feel free to add me on facebook.
P.S. Have you heard the one about 4 guys in a gay bar...
This Sanchez am writing this post to complain as to the awful treatment I have been subjected to over the past few days. I recently received some interesting and eye-opening comments on my last post. The comments in question state, "you're gay." and "you like men.". Now, I don't have anything against the gay community, but if they didn't tell people the dirty sins they committed, their lives would be much easier. Their dirty sex makes god send hurricanes. Furthermore, I would now like to point out that is purely based on male-on-male, I fully support and even encourage girl-on-girl. However, back to the comments I received.
I am led to believe that these comments were posted by a devious yet simple-minded, borderline unevolved primate. The person in question may or may not be the the person that I schooled in the Harry Potter quiz (refer to below post). As I have stated previously, I am not homophobic, quite the opposite, I would have loved to see a Hermione-Ginny relationship develop throughout the books, especially in the movies. Maybe they could make a movie called, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Bone(r). Rough idea at the moment, I'm still ironing out the kinks in the script.
However, further evidence that I am not a gay-basher is that I am a strong supporter of Professor Dumbledore, he taught me everything he knew and turned me into the wizard I am today. But this mentor of mine, is actually gay. This may come as s shock to many, so I will repeat it, Dumbledore is an old-fashioned fudge-packer, shirt-lifter, pole smoker, sodomist who is a straight out gaylord. But I still respect him and give him a hand-shake when I see him, but I try not to turn my back to him.
So if you have an queries, please call 000, so we can lock them up where they belong! Yes, got him!
This post was written in jesticular form, as it is written in jest. However, if you think I just said testicular, you are gay.
Thank you for reading, stay tuned for more hilarious and equally uneblievable posts.
Yours sincerely,
Sanchez Alfonso
Feel free to add me on facebook.
P.S. Have you heard the one about 4 guys in a gay bar...
Friday, May 8, 2009
The Champion Proves His Colours...
This may shock many of my keen and loyal readers out there, but this Sanchez recently had his Harry Potter knowledge quesioned. My position as one of the most knowledgeable muggles was put on the line, and I showed my true colours through an astounding victory. Once my knowledge was questioned, I found a HP quiz on the net, and both myself and the challenger, who shall remain anonymous due to possible public backlash, through ourselves and deep intellect into the quiz. When all the dust settled, two things had become apparent, 1) I won the challenge and once again proved my extensive HP knowledge and 2) I have no life...
I am praying that this form on exams will carry over til tomorrow, as I have a very important and tough exam on. The fact that while I should have been studying, and I was actually defending my HP honour, shows my true Gryiffindor traits. Many with call it a brave move, but for me, it was an inevitable outcome.
As the for poll, situated to the right of this post, it seems many of my readers believe that Harry Potter is more powerful than Albus Dumbledore. This is a crime against nature! Albus Dumbledore is the greatest magician alive, and this Sanchez even had the pleasure of meeting him once, a delightful fellow. I can see where they are coming from, Harry did kill Lord Voldemort but come on, it's Dumbledore. To be honest, I'm a bit surprised some of the slimey Slytherin's haven't come on here and tried to vote for the tretcherous Salazar Slytherin or his last remaining heir, Lord Voldemort.
In my opinion, the order from most powerful wizard to lesser powerful wizards is as follows.
-> Dumbledore
-> Lord Voldemort
-> Grindelwald
-> The Founders of Hogwarts (minus Hugglepuff)
-> Severus Snape, James Potter, Minerva McGonagall and Sirius Black
(The Peverell Brothers could possibly be found in this list also)
Harry Potter would be well below them because although he has achieved many great achievements, not to mention almost single-handedly saving the world from Lord Voldemort, he has not mastered many spells that the aforementioned wizards are very capable of.
Keep watching for more updates, and remember, he who laughs last, laughs best!
I am praying that this form on exams will carry over til tomorrow, as I have a very important and tough exam on. The fact that while I should have been studying, and I was actually defending my HP honour, shows my true Gryiffindor traits. Many with call it a brave move, but for me, it was an inevitable outcome.
As the for poll, situated to the right of this post, it seems many of my readers believe that Harry Potter is more powerful than Albus Dumbledore. This is a crime against nature! Albus Dumbledore is the greatest magician alive, and this Sanchez even had the pleasure of meeting him once, a delightful fellow. I can see where they are coming from, Harry did kill Lord Voldemort but come on, it's Dumbledore. To be honest, I'm a bit surprised some of the slimey Slytherin's haven't come on here and tried to vote for the tretcherous Salazar Slytherin or his last remaining heir, Lord Voldemort.
In my opinion, the order from most powerful wizard to lesser powerful wizards is as follows.
-> Dumbledore
-> Lord Voldemort
-> Grindelwald
-> The Founders of Hogwarts (minus Hugglepuff)
-> Severus Snape, James Potter, Minerva McGonagall and Sirius Black
(The Peverell Brothers could possibly be found in this list also)
Harry Potter would be well below them because although he has achieved many great achievements, not to mention almost single-handedly saving the world from Lord Voldemort, he has not mastered many spells that the aforementioned wizards are very capable of.
Keep watching for more updates, and remember, he who laughs last, laughs best!
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Should he or shouldn't have he?
71 days and counting until the release of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince in cinemas around the world. It's so close that this Sanchez can almost taste the warm fresh popcorn in my mouth, followed by the cold chill that my accompanying frozen coke will provide, as I sit in the middle of a packed movie theatre gazing up at the screen.
But possibly even more breaking news in the Harry Potter world is the publication of a book titled, 'Harry Potter Should Have Died'. According to the authors, they do not actually believe Harry should have died, but the book discusses whether he should have? Did he actually die? Is Severus Snape a hero? And one of the biggest questions posed in modern times, Should J.K. right more Potter books or finish on top?
Personally, this Sanchez doesn't think Harry should have died but is unsure how things should have turned out. What I do wish for though, is that J.K. re-writes the final battle scene where Harry and Voldemort are circling each other sparring with words before they finally strike. I would rather see a much longer battle between the two, possibly where Harry wins from the brink of death. I think if she was really serious about making this final stand-off memorable, she would definitely recruit this Sanchez to be her co-author and inspiration. Maybe not...
Hope you all have your own opinions on what should and shouldn't have happened. Feel free to leave a comment telling everyone how the books should have ended. Especially if you think that Harry and Hermione should have got together! Stay tuned for more anecdotal updates, til then, may the lord bless you all!
But possibly even more breaking news in the Harry Potter world is the publication of a book titled, 'Harry Potter Should Have Died'. According to the authors, they do not actually believe Harry should have died, but the book discusses whether he should have? Did he actually die? Is Severus Snape a hero? And one of the biggest questions posed in modern times, Should J.K. right more Potter books or finish on top?
Personally, this Sanchez doesn't think Harry should have died but is unsure how things should have turned out. What I do wish for though, is that J.K. re-writes the final battle scene where Harry and Voldemort are circling each other sparring with words before they finally strike. I would rather see a much longer battle between the two, possibly where Harry wins from the brink of death. I think if she was really serious about making this final stand-off memorable, she would definitely recruit this Sanchez to be her co-author and inspiration. Maybe not...
Hope you all have your own opinions on what should and shouldn't have happened. Feel free to leave a comment telling everyone how the books should have ended. Especially if you think that Harry and Hermione should have got together! Stay tuned for more anecdotal updates, til then, may the lord bless you all!
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
The Maths of Life...
Ladies and gentleman, as I was sitting here in my high chair last night trying to calculate the necessary energy required for me to attain super saiyan level powers, I stumbled upon an amazing and life-changing formula. This equation delves deep into human nature and unlocks the mystery of the species known as females. The great Shakespeare once said,"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!".
This Sanchez believes Shakespeare was onto something, and has finshed his work:
Now, as many of you would agree, Women = Time x Money.
We also know that Time = Money, so through substitution (keep up Maths A),
Women = Money x Money
Therefore, Women = Money^2
Now, the Bible also says, Money is the root of all evil.
Hence, Money = sqrt(All Evil)
Now we can say, Women = [sqrt(All Evil)]^2
Finally, cancelling with leave us with...
Women = All Evil
This is undeniable and irrefutable proof that Shakespeare and the Lord's son, Jesus Christ, believe women to be all evil. This discovery rivals that of Dumbledore's discovery of the 12 Uses of Dragon's Blood and his joint discovery with Nicholas Flamel of the Philosopher's Stone and it's Elixir of Life. This Sanchez has no doubt this day will go down as history as the day woman were unveiled for the first time as the true creaters of evil on earth!
This Sanchez believes Shakespeare was onto something, and has finshed his work:
Now, as many of you would agree, Women = Time x Money.
We also know that Time = Money, so through substitution (keep up Maths A),
Women = Money x Money
Therefore, Women = Money^2
Now, the Bible also says, Money is the root of all evil.
Hence, Money = sqrt(All Evil)
Now we can say, Women = [sqrt(All Evil)]^2
Finally, cancelling with leave us with...
Women = All Evil
This is undeniable and irrefutable proof that Shakespeare and the Lord's son, Jesus Christ, believe women to be all evil. This discovery rivals that of Dumbledore's discovery of the 12 Uses of Dragon's Blood and his joint discovery with Nicholas Flamel of the Philosopher's Stone and it's Elixir of Life. This Sanchez has no doubt this day will go down as history as the day woman were unveiled for the first time as the true creaters of evil on earth!
Monday, May 4, 2009
Hangover from Hell..
Well it's official! 1. This Sanchez has been to hell and 2. It was worth it. This Sanchez has been looking forward to having a vacation in the coming weeks, just escaping the ordinary life and relaxing somewhere on a beach. However, the only time that I have spent away from my home was a day in hell...
The journey began the night before and was full of promise as all on the the drinking train were enjoying a great night out. Suddenly, a few drinks turned into a few drinks too many. Unbeknown to myself, I find myself waking up the next morning in a sea of pain. It took a while for the realization that I was in hell to hit me but when it did, I knew the pain throbbing in my forehead was not about to subside anytime soon.
This was no ordinary hangover though, this was a debilitating work of the devil. I spent the entire day, not in my warm comforting house, but in a cold barren workshop of pain, not unlike the feeling of having your bones regrown using Skele-gro. But I battled on, I found myself drinking a curing potion for my hangover, known to muggles only as water. By the end of my ordeal, I had survived only by my will to once again, drink myself to hell the following night.
I suppose the moral of this story is not that this Sanchez beat the devil, although that is an important mesage, but that drinking can comes at a cost. However, as aforementioned, it was worth it. So this Sanchez says this to any readers out there considering dabbling in the art of alcoholic consumption, "Live hard, drink hard, recover hard".
So whether it be beer, rum or firewhisky, be prepared to find a tough recovery facing you the next day. So until next time, take some time out to discover your hell...
Friday, May 1, 2009
Lets rewind to the day I became a man...
Time to sit back, relax and take a journey through time to the most defining moment of my life...
So here we are, Nudgee 15A's Cricket second last game of the year, needing to win this to keep their premiership hopes alive. They came up against BSHS and after sending them into bat, had to chase 137. While the two batsmen were in the middle the rest of the team was cracking wise jokes about BSHS, I take half the responsibility and Hoppy gets the other half, but little did we know, a mother from that school was infront of us. She promptly turned around and let us have it, which sends us into silent giggles and one of our parents (the great Dub!) retaliated. That one act of standing up to the enemy, set the tone for an unforgettable day.
Meanwhile Nudgee had started strong and looked to be doing it easy at 3/103 before disaster struck. Maybe it was ball-tampering, we still aren't sure, but BSHS picked up a few quick wickets and when I say a few I mean 5/31 before Ben joined Stephen at the crease, who had entered at number 7 and had stayed strong around the falling of wickets. Colin, a ferocious fast bowler, was on with about 3 overs left and Benjamin was facing up. Ben, not known for his batting, went for a huge cross batted swipe and was bowled.
Now the last batter, for some insane reason, was put down the order behind Ben. This batsmen turned out to be myself, Sanchez. With a name like that how I can bat last. The equation was 3 runs with 1 wicket in hand and one ball left in this over plus another 2 overs after that. So I come out to face this fast bowling machine who had been wreaking havoc, Colin, with a big cheesey grin and Stephen says to me, "Sanchez, DON'T YOU FUKIN GET OUT!" which brought me down to earth. So in runs Colin and I'm standing there literally shitting myself, and he bowls an inswinger on offstump and I throw out the pat and bat about 5 inches apart and get an inside edge onto my pad. After safely negating my ball it was down to Stephen to do his part. First ball he faced he threw the whole kitchen sink at it and narrowly avoided edging to the keeper. I threw my head back knowing we were no chance and all hope was lost but the next ball was basically a replay of the first and while some would say Stephen threw the whole house at it and got a knick, we both know he glided it through slips with brilliant class. I was already halfway down the pitch before he even looked up at me and we both knew it was now or never. After running the first two I turned and looked down and Stephen had just passed halfway on his second run. I saw the fielder pick the ball up, and I knew I had to beat his arm. I went for it, slid my bat like its never been slid before and ran through with my arms up after realising we had won. Stephen came down and after the manliest of handshakes said to me these euphoric words, " Lucky i brought another change of underwear!" The team ran on with calls of f*cking brilliant and "woooieee" and we were the heroes of the school for those brief moments. The team was duely shouted free drinks at the canteen for our efforts.
Now for everyone out there that thinks this is too long too read dont worry, a film will be made and out in cinemas late 2010 and for those who want to read more, many books will be written to fill you in on all the things you need to know. Stephen and I thought it was necessary for everyone to hear of this event in history. That night I flipped the TV over to the ABC news sport report and the news reporter read, "Two legends of the modern game of cricket have come together to win a breathtaking game, Stephen and Sanchez put on a magnificent 3 run partnership at a run-a-ball rate with coops scoring all of those with his great wristy shot through slips, Natasha Balicrishna reports more in the field..." These are the moments that shouldn't be forgotten and has forged a great relationship between these heroes.
For me, it was a forming of a great friendship between Stephen and Sanchez, akin to the forming of friendship between Harry, Ron and Hermione when they battled the Troll. Tune in later for my next post, in the mean time, don't do anything I wouldn't do!
So here we are, Nudgee 15A's Cricket second last game of the year, needing to win this to keep their premiership hopes alive. They came up against BSHS and after sending them into bat, had to chase 137. While the two batsmen were in the middle the rest of the team was cracking wise jokes about BSHS, I take half the responsibility and Hoppy gets the other half, but little did we know, a mother from that school was infront of us. She promptly turned around and let us have it, which sends us into silent giggles and one of our parents (the great Dub!) retaliated. That one act of standing up to the enemy, set the tone for an unforgettable day.
Meanwhile Nudgee had started strong and looked to be doing it easy at 3/103 before disaster struck. Maybe it was ball-tampering, we still aren't sure, but BSHS picked up a few quick wickets and when I say a few I mean 5/31 before Ben joined Stephen at the crease, who had entered at number 7 and had stayed strong around the falling of wickets. Colin, a ferocious fast bowler, was on with about 3 overs left and Benjamin was facing up. Ben, not known for his batting, went for a huge cross batted swipe and was bowled.
Now the last batter, for some insane reason, was put down the order behind Ben. This batsmen turned out to be myself, Sanchez. With a name like that how I can bat last. The equation was 3 runs with 1 wicket in hand and one ball left in this over plus another 2 overs after that. So I come out to face this fast bowling machine who had been wreaking havoc, Colin, with a big cheesey grin and Stephen says to me, "Sanchez, DON'T YOU FUKIN GET OUT!" which brought me down to earth. So in runs Colin and I'm standing there literally shitting myself, and he bowls an inswinger on offstump and I throw out the pat and bat about 5 inches apart and get an inside edge onto my pad. After safely negating my ball it was down to Stephen to do his part. First ball he faced he threw the whole kitchen sink at it and narrowly avoided edging to the keeper. I threw my head back knowing we were no chance and all hope was lost but the next ball was basically a replay of the first and while some would say Stephen threw the whole house at it and got a knick, we both know he glided it through slips with brilliant class. I was already halfway down the pitch before he even looked up at me and we both knew it was now or never. After running the first two I turned and looked down and Stephen had just passed halfway on his second run. I saw the fielder pick the ball up, and I knew I had to beat his arm. I went for it, slid my bat like its never been slid before and ran through with my arms up after realising we had won. Stephen came down and after the manliest of handshakes said to me these euphoric words, " Lucky i brought another change of underwear!" The team ran on with calls of f*cking brilliant and "woooieee" and we were the heroes of the school for those brief moments. The team was duely shouted free drinks at the canteen for our efforts.
Now for everyone out there that thinks this is too long too read dont worry, a film will be made and out in cinemas late 2010 and for those who want to read more, many books will be written to fill you in on all the things you need to know. Stephen and I thought it was necessary for everyone to hear of this event in history. That night I flipped the TV over to the ABC news sport report and the news reporter read, "Two legends of the modern game of cricket have come together to win a breathtaking game, Stephen and Sanchez put on a magnificent 3 run partnership at a run-a-ball rate with coops scoring all of those with his great wristy shot through slips, Natasha Balicrishna reports more in the field..." These are the moments that shouldn't be forgotten and has forged a great relationship between these heroes.
For me, it was a forming of a great friendship between Stephen and Sanchez, akin to the forming of friendship between Harry, Ron and Hermione when they battled the Troll. Tune in later for my next post, in the mean time, don't do anything I wouldn't do!
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