Sanchez and his Weapon of Mass Attraction

It is the manliest of habits. The meek can not handle it and only the strongest of men survive. It separates the boys from the men and it has been known to send some men crazy. It's a drug for the soul. Just the mere sight of it can send some men running. But while it sends men running from it, it brings women running to it. It is the ultimate aphrodisiac that, once used, attracts every woman in its vicinity.

What is this weapon that only the bravest of men can conquer and no woman can ignore, you ask? Well it is simple. It is Lucas' Papaw Ointment.

Yes, once this wonderful elixir is applied to your lips, there is no woman who can say no. Many have tried, and failed, to recreate the properties of this amazing concoction. It is the rarest of rare artifacts. Only few men possess this substance and even fewer are willing to use it. However, there is one man who is more man than the rest. He goes by the name of Sanchez Alfonso.

Sanchez Alfonso currently holds the world record for the most re-applications of the papaw ointment in one night on the town. It is said his record can only be beaten by a coma patient unknowing of what is happening, such is the strength needed. Where some men cower and run, Sanchez stands and applies. Sanchez wakes in the morning and before opening his eyes, reaches to his bedside table for his papaw ointment. Legend has it that one day the whole world was going to blow up unless Sanchez pressed a button in five seconds, Sanchez used 4 of those seconds to apply papaw ointment to his lips before pressing the button moments before the timer ran out.

It is a sight seen more than a girl cooking dinner, such is his religious application. On a Saturday night, you can find Sanchez out on the town with his boys. But after a few double blacks with raspberry to entice the ladies over and get them interested, he unleashes his weapon of mass attraction! It starts with a twist of the lid, then a gentle squeeze, once the product slightly protrudes from the container, a small swipe with a finger to collect is all that is necessary. With that same finger, the papaw is distributed finely, if not sensually, across his lips. As he rubs his lips together, his job is complete. The women come, not in ebbs or flows, but in torrential currents.

How much longer can Sanchez maintain this routine? No man has lasted this long without going crazy, but Sanchez seems to have built up an immunity. For now, we can only wish that we were all Sanchez Alfonso with his Lucas' Papaw Ointment...