Am I Real or Myth?

It's a question the world has been asking since the dawn of age, is Sanchez Alfonso real? It seems obvious, here I am, writing to you with my picture on the wall, clearly I'm real. But some nay-sayers say, "But that is only one picture and can one man really have such extraordinary writing abilities and super human powers?" So for all of those who question my realism, firstly present you some pictures of my out on the town with my mates and a snippet of my life biography.

I think this would clear up those issues over whether I am real or not. You can all see I'm getting loose as, presumably I've just finished my 14 cruisers in both those pics. But look at me, standing up straight posing for photos. If that doesn't shout superhuman drinking ability I dont know what will.

But to my life story...It is true I was once a small child like the rest of you. Obviously not quite the same because as a baby I had more talent in my little toe than Tiger Woods has in his entire body. No I'm sorry that's wrong, it was my big toe.

My real name is Sanchez Antonio Dorito Enrique Jesus Raul Santiago Luis-Fernando Filiberto Alfonso. As soon as I was able to speak however, I legally changed my name to Sanchez Alfonso and told my mother to lay off the deesh. I grew up in Mexico, in a dirty pid farm. I have 11 siblings, five brothers and six sisters. Each of my sisters have of course mothered twelve children by now, which is extremely pleasing as the youngest daughter is only 16 right now. What an achievement! I was schooled by a local priest for many years before he cast me away after a disagreement over whether the talking snake in the bible was real or not. Needless to say logic won the war and my bible was consequently burnt!

By the age of 12, I had realised I was destined for great things. The first instance in which this thought occurred to me was after the local neighbourhood voted me most likely to live passed the age of 30! So far, so well! Anyway, where was I? Yes that's right, I had just reached the legal age for sex in Mexico, 12. Oh good times were had! Just a note for everyone reading, don't by pork from Mexico if the any of the pigs were possibly alive back then, shhh!

As I grew into manhood through my teens, I developed the nickname Sanchez Alfonso. Although this does not differ from my actual name at all, I accepted this nickname with great honour. My best friend through these years was a young orphan named Padrigo Byestimoniumbuntastio, although on my own I thought of his nickname, Paddy Bye! However, I was forced to turn my back on Padrigo after he disgraced our village by leaving a prestigious pool cleaning career to pursue the gypsy art of engineering.

Well I might have to leave it there. By this point, I was just leaving my teens. I will pick it up here next time, so stay tuned for more proof that I am real, and of course, if you see me out on the town, please come say hi! Cheers..