Regatta chat

'twas the final night in Brisbane for Sanchez Alfonso before he departed for a week of fun-filled, alcohol-riddled and bloggable mischief on the ski slopes of Thredbo. But before his departure, Sanchez wanted one more night on the town. It wasn't so much that he wanted it, it was the public demanded it. And who am I to deny the public their greatest wish, I farewell them in style...

As is usual on a Wednesday night, Sanchez's touch team, Dumbledore's Army, played. For the first time in a while, the team went down, losing 6-2. Special mention to Sanchez Alfonso for scoring both tries. Unfortunately, the team recieved a weeks worth of detention with Professor Umbridge writing lines, "I must not lose touch when representing Dumbledore's Army". After this demoralising loss, Sanchez knew there was only one way to salvage his night... Get absolutely blind at the Regatta.

This goal was achieved much quicker than anticipated though as Sanchez had forgotten to eat or drink after his game and was consequently swaying on the spot after a few double blacks. Whilst on the subject of double blacks, I must admit I committed one of the most rookie errors known to double black drinkers. After being told to have a sip from the bartender so he could put some raspberry in, in my over zealous state, I sculled about a third of the drink. The bartender then almost filled the drink up with raspberry. Needless to say, the drink was a bit rich but nonetheless tasty. After a few double blacks, Sanchez switched to a cheaper drink, vodka sunrises and it was whilst carrying these drinks he had the following encounter.

Sanchez approached some of his friends who were now talking to a lovely looking lady, very attractive and in shape. I would like to stress that point, you will see why soon. I placed my drinks down on the table and entered the conversation. Immediately my friends introduced me as 'the guy from millionaire' instead of my real name, Sanchez Alfonso. I knew that she was about to ask me something and being the TV celebrity that I am, I anticipated the question I had heard millions of times and quickly pulled out a pen and paper and said, "Yes its ok, you can have an autograph." As the conversation flowed and my drinks became more empty, she told us she was from Perth. "Drugs are a big in Perth" she said, "So are the ladies, it seems" remarked Sanchez. The whole of Regatta stood still, glasses smashed, a communal gasp echoed around the room. "I'm sorry, you aren't fat" I said, holding back the laughter, "You are just big boned" I teased. The look in her eye told me it wasn't safe me to be standing around her for much longer. I left.

On my way to finding some more friends, I bumped into an old friend who relayed to me a quite disturbing story. In her drunken state she tackled me into the wall and whispered, "I broke my drought on the weekend". I said, "What? I can't hear you!" "I broke my drought!" she said a little louder. "You broke your toe?" I replied. "I BROKE MY DROUGHT ON THE WEEKEND!" she screamed. Everyone within 5 metres turned and looked. "Ohhh, yeah I heard you the first time" I smiled at her. Too drunk to understand how I had just pulled off a brilliantly devilish plan, she continued to tell me how it had happened. Apparently, she had told this guy to wear a condom as she was not on the pill but about halfway through he said, "Oh my god, this feels so good without a condom". That was the end of that, she screamed, jumped out of the bed and ran into the toilet crying. Unfortunately for her, she was embarrassed, in a toilet and worst of all, naked. After calming herself down, she returned to the guys room to find him on the phone relaying this exact story to a friend. She dressed herself and left without a word. Finally she tells me, "I hate going through a drought, what's your longest?" I look at her, laugh and hold up 5 fingers. "Months?" she asks. "Days" I reply.