There are some things in life that should come with warnings for others. These include, women driving, women voting, women operating heavy machinery and women in places of power. Ok that last one was a joke, that would never happen, but nevertheless, safety warnings in life are paramount. So it is with a heavy heart that I announce that instead of writing a charmingly politically correct blog as per usual, I will today voice my seldom heard, but frequently sought after opinion on a matter of national security threatening the foundations of our great land.
As I sit at my computer, a god among mere men, I am afraid that the world is changing too fast, that the boys of this world are evolving into men too slowly, that as the world moves into unprecedented places, the common man is unable to keep up. Of course, I also sit here with the knowledge that no matter what happens, I will live on. I will live on in the memories of the thousands of women I have conquered in the bedroom, the hundreds of men I have conquered on the sporting field and the hundreds of thousands children I have taken candy from. They will remember me.
However, while I may live on, others will perish and their memories will be forever forgotten. The issue that has brought this too my attention is of the utmost importance. There is a danger in this world that many young men and women and not aware of. This danger creeps up on you, it gets you at your weakest, your most vulnerable. I have written of this danger before, but in different contexts. Previously I praised the danger, now I condemn those who have let this creature out of its cage. The danger I speak of is the double black, with raspberry optional but expected. These highly sought after drinks were once the drinks of kings with mere men unable to afford such luxury items. With this pricing in place, many men and women were kept out of harms way as they drank only their pussy little basics. However, the world is a sick place and hence the price of this drink has been slashed to two thirds its usual price. What was $12 is now $8. A night with six of these, is a $24 saving. What kind of evil person would do such a thing?
As I am accustomed to the delicious red elixir, I have built up an immunity but many of these little boys and girls who have grown up on baby basics, can not handle the double black. Forget terrorism, forget women drivers, forget monkeys flying planes, the most dangerous problem in todays society is cheap double blacks. The alarm bells should be ringing, the warning should be in place. Only the manliest of men can survive the lure of the $8 double blacks.
As you read this, many of you may think that Sanchez has changed. But I do not write this blog for myself though, I write this PSA for you, my favourite reader. I am campaigning to protect you.
Personally, I am quite pleased with the reduction in price.
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Sunday, April 11, 2010
Monday, April 5, 2010
Self realisation
There comes a time when every man must look at himself in the mirror and assess his life. Is he making the right choices? Is he following the path he had set out for himself? Is he the man he always aspired to be? For Sanchez, this time will never come.
Every morning Sanchez Alfonso wakes up, applies his papaw and looks at himself in the mirror. His majestic blue-eyed gaze stares back at him. After about 30 minutes of this, Sanchez gets in the shower and his day begins.
On this particular day, Sanchez was going out. He had his pre drinks, got dropped in the city and was primed for a good night out when he heard the clicks of the cameras. The paparazzi had got word that Sanchez would be heading out tonight and they had come in the hundreds. Eager young photographers snapping their cameras in succession, trying to get the money shot. Sanchez brushed past them and thought he had found safety inside Fridays. He ordered his customary double black with raspberry and scoped the scene.
At this moment I would like to point out that most people have an inbuilt sense of danger, in that when they are about to do something stupid, they have a second where they think twice. Apparently Sanchez had left his at home. So when offered an ABC shot, he didn't think twice. He took it and chased it down with some double black. Delicious, yet dangerous!
He recieved a free double black from an old school friend and bought another when he bumped into his lift home.
"We are going" she said.
Sanchez didn't respond. Instead, he steadied himself as if about to say something wise and beyond his years. He slowly lifted his last remaining bottle of delicious pink alcohol to his lips and within 5 seconds, it was empty. He placed the empty bottle down, swayed on the spot for a second and then casually strolled down the stairs towards the car.
The following morning Sanchez awoke, applied his papaw ointment and looked at himself in the mirror. He had no recollection of his trip home and what he had done for half of his night. His phone suggested he had been unable to locate a friend for a good few hours, he had saved a news reporters number in his phone and finally, he had four of Fridays' 5owls stamps on his arm.
Now he stood in front of his mirror. Those dazzling blue eyes staring back into his soul. Did last night finally wake Sanchez up to the fact his life was drifting along in a world of booze, girls and public adulation? Did he really want to live his life knowing that he would be on the front of every gossip magazine in the country after his night out? Was there room in Sanchez's cold alcohol-filled heart for love?
I think not.
Every morning Sanchez Alfonso wakes up, applies his papaw and looks at himself in the mirror. His majestic blue-eyed gaze stares back at him. After about 30 minutes of this, Sanchez gets in the shower and his day begins.
On this particular day, Sanchez was going out. He had his pre drinks, got dropped in the city and was primed for a good night out when he heard the clicks of the cameras. The paparazzi had got word that Sanchez would be heading out tonight and they had come in the hundreds. Eager young photographers snapping their cameras in succession, trying to get the money shot. Sanchez brushed past them and thought he had found safety inside Fridays. He ordered his customary double black with raspberry and scoped the scene.
At this moment I would like to point out that most people have an inbuilt sense of danger, in that when they are about to do something stupid, they have a second where they think twice. Apparently Sanchez had left his at home. So when offered an ABC shot, he didn't think twice. He took it and chased it down with some double black. Delicious, yet dangerous!
He recieved a free double black from an old school friend and bought another when he bumped into his lift home.
"We are going" she said.
Sanchez didn't respond. Instead, he steadied himself as if about to say something wise and beyond his years. He slowly lifted his last remaining bottle of delicious pink alcohol to his lips and within 5 seconds, it was empty. He placed the empty bottle down, swayed on the spot for a second and then casually strolled down the stairs towards the car.
The following morning Sanchez awoke, applied his papaw ointment and looked at himself in the mirror. He had no recollection of his trip home and what he had done for half of his night. His phone suggested he had been unable to locate a friend for a good few hours, he had saved a news reporters number in his phone and finally, he had four of Fridays' 5owls stamps on his arm.
Now he stood in front of his mirror. Those dazzling blue eyes staring back into his soul. Did last night finally wake Sanchez up to the fact his life was drifting along in a world of booze, girls and public adulation? Did he really want to live his life knowing that he would be on the front of every gossip magazine in the country after his night out? Was there room in Sanchez's cold alcohol-filled heart for love?
I think not.
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