The Gospel According to Sanchez

Reports are in that rumours are spreading like swine flu in a mexican pig hut, that I am a prophet. A modern day Moses, sent by the holy one, the all-conquering and smiting Yahweh. Of course these rumours were started by myself. 

As a proven prophet, I have been sent to spread the word of the Gospel according to Sanchez. And with this, I present to you, the Three Sanchez Commandments, with this blog being my stone and my keyboard being my chisel. 

1. You shall recieve six Sabbath's a week, and work on one day, as your messiah Sanchez has commanded you.

2. You shall not knowingly visit child pornography websites.

3. You shall not worship, love or covet another blogger.

After accomplishing my goal set by the almighty lord himself, I have a new found respect for Moses, creating 3 Commandments was incredibly tough and there were times I didn't think I'd get there, but creating 10 Commandments is just on an entirely different league of prophet work. However, may I clear up something, I said I have a new found respect for Moses, not a new found belief. I still believe Moses was nothing more than the first official blogger, and used his chisel and stone to spread the word of his blog. 

With these 3 Sanchez Commandments, I am now calling on my faithful readers to spread the good word and sacrifice themselves as martyrs. I myself am certain to face prosecution and have decided to that instead of being sent to Azkaban, I will go into hiding only to come back bigger and better, similar to our God Albus Dumbledore, who believed so thoroughly in his life's work, he donated his life and his only son, Sanchez to the cause. Yes, you read correctly, I am the omnipotent son of our lord Albus Dumbledore. 

Due to the first Commandment, which only allows one day of work a week, I will no be able to publish a full bible. However, when looking for guidance, one only needs to look as far as this blog, and you will read my life's story and find the meaning of life in these modestly typed words. 

So my fellow believers, I will leave you now until I find it necessary to once more grant you my blog. So til you hear otherwise, abide by the commandments at all costs.

P.S. Using the first Commandment as an excuse to get out of work may or not may not work.

You-Know-Who has returned!

You-know-who has returned!

No, it's not the Daily Prophet breaking the news of Voldemort's return. It's me, the mysterious Sanchez, I'm back!

After a lengthy delay, which caused much speculation over whether I had lost the will or even the ability to scribe my world renowned magical scripts as I have been since my blogging career launched itself into Hollywood, I have returned!

The truth is quite more horrifying than the thought of Sanchez losing his will to write, indeed the story almost ends with my death. Not many of my beloved readers will know this, but I am Mexican. One of the great things about being Mexican is I have an excuse for doing absolutely nothing, unfortunately, the downside is, I recently contracted the deadly killer 'Swing Flu'. This is the Lord Voldemort of flu's. I spent three weeks in bed, the first two weeks was with two lady friends next to me, the next week was actually because I sick!

I was fighting the desease, but my Mexican laziness meant that it was starting to gain the upperhand. I knew modern medicine wouldn't be able to cure me, that's when I turned to my old arch enemy, Professor Severed Snake. I asked him to concoct me a potion that could cure of my affliction. Three days later he returned with a beautiful bottle that glistened with pure beauty. As soon a drop of the magical liquid touched my lips, I knew I was back! I asked what the cure was called, and he whispered to me, "I call it a Guava Cruiser and only the bravest of the brave could have survived that drink!" I proceeded to finish a worl record 14 of these glorious potions and with that, I was restored to my previous stength!

I awoke this morning hearing a voice, it came from the heavens and it said, "Sanchez, you must go forth and and spread the word of your recovery, you must become the best damn blogger this world has ever seen, because if you wanna be the best, you gotta blog the best!" I sat there, stunned, mintues past by and I hadn't moved, my lips trembled as I asked, "God?". "Hahahaha" came the reply, "Are you fucking high on deesh? It's Megan Fox. Don't you remember all the things I let you do to me last night?"

Once again I sat there stunned, mortified and a tear rolled down my cheek as I admitted, "No, I don't remember anything!" And she was gone.

But now I begin the mission Ms. Fox left for me, to become the greatest blogger the world has ever seen. No longer will people say they know a Sanchez, the world will now speak only of knowing THE Sanchez. Tune in later for more lookalikes but this time, the real truth as to their similarities comes out. Until then, this is THE Sanchez signing out.

Twins lost at birth?

Last week I posed a question to you all. Is Ellyse Perry, the Australia sportswoman, an identical twin separated at birth of Emma Watson, the actress portraying Hermione Granger? Now, the Sanchez can unveil a world exclusive report that will confirm they are closely related. Some people might try to say that you can't find out that two people are related without using facts and scientific data, but I will single handedly uncover the greatest of cover-ups through precision analysis of photos.

Here they are:

Wow! Twins! I believe this is conclusive evidence that Emma Watson, can you actually tell which one she is?, is the long lost twin sister of Ellyse Perry. For the record, the top picture is Emma. Although they are worlds apart, they both share the sort after title of being a stalking subject of mine. I reserve only the best of the best for my complete set of stalking services, although I can use certain tools at my disposal for lesser missions.

Meeting one of these girls has long been a dream that has left me questioning whether god put me on this earth to be gods gift to women or just gods gift to all women except these two. Maybe one day I will know all the answers, until then, my mission will continue.

Also, if someone is really desperate for am extra sneak peek of the upcoming Harry Potter film, you can find a tiny bit extra of the movie here. On another note, the first trailer for the New Moon movie, the follow up to Twilight, has been released and looks like it will be another good showing.

With both New Moon and The Half-Blood Prince soon to be released, this is an exciting period. Stay tuned for more updates and possibly even more celebrity look alikes. I'll give you a hint, 30 Seconds to Efron. It's a tricky one!